I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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