I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
