btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
