And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
