just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
