I am puke
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
