We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
