Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Randomize
