Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize