i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
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