Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
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