I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
