I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
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