He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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