I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
and she was petting her beer can
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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