I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
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