Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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