Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Randomize
