You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Randomize
