New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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