I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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