My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
this is an emotional support booty call
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
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