I don't remember. Are we still dating?
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
