3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
i think im in europe. pls send help
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
