some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Randomize
