I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
