Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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