How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Randomize
