You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
You smell like a Billy Joel song
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Randomize
