Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
