ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
