wrigley field is MILF paradise
Moan for me like Helen Keller
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Randomize
