She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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