Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
