shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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