I am in a vortex of obligation.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
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