I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
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