His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
well you can't waste a boner
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
