Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
