we have officially lost it.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
