So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
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