You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Randomize