Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
