i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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