You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Randomize
