"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
