I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
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