Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Randomize
