How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Randomize
