is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
someone owes me an orgasm
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Randomize
