In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
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