There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
