Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
