The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
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