Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
