another moral hangover. fuck.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
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