drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
