I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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