i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
