my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize