Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Randomize
