Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
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