dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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