Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
