Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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