I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Randomize
