Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize