My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
