They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
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