he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize
