does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Houston, we have a blender
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Randomize
