Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
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